The Original "Shit List"

June 12, 2007

Things and people that piss me off-not in any order of importance…..

1.) People that jay-walk and make ME slow down for THEM. Next time, I'm hitting your ass, throwing the car in reverse and backing up to finish the job. I bet you'll think twice about jay-walking after I take your legs.

2.) Mothers truckers throwing away my perfectly good cantaloupe because I accidentally left it in the fridge over the weekend. That was to be my breakfast on Monday morning. Who made you the president of the refrigerator?

3.) People that use big words to appear intelligent. Sometimes it's just thing, not a device or an apparatus, just a THING!! I know, device and apparatus aren't big words, but you get the idea.

4.) People that bitch about how uncomfortable their shoes are when THEY put them on in the first place. Are you stupid or something? I have NO sympathy.

5.)People that work at Walmart. It's not my fault you chose that as your job, so don't take it out on me. If you don' like it I'm sure McDonalds will hire you. And don't get me started on the "greeters". I don't care how old and cute they are, I will punch them in the face.

6.)McDonalds. What will attract kids to toxic crap in a box that you've disguised as a "happy meal"? How about a clown that doesn't have a weight problem and throw in a free toy. Hook em' young and they'll be fat forever. Nice.

7.)People that eat doughnuts, full-sugar soda, and deep fried everything, and then ask "do I look fat in these jeans?" Yes, you look fat in those jeans because YOU ARE FAT!!! Put down the French fries and pick up a dumbbell. Not that I have much room to talk here, I do have some junk in my trunk, but I don't complain about it, I'm trying to do something about it. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!

8.)PDA. I'm all for a little smooch, holding hands, and showing small gestures of affection in public, but then there's those grabby, sucking, dry humping horn dogs that have to prove they're so into each other. I hope you get crabs.

9.)People that smoke when you're trying to eat. I have a moral code that states "No smoking while people are eating, around small children and old people, and near a hospital." Have some class or I'll put that cigarette out in your eye ball.

10.)People that can't seem to find time out of their precious lives to put their god-damn cart back in the god-damn cart place at the god-damn grocery store. Some of us have a nice car that we don't want a big dent in the side of it because you're too god-damn lazy to return your god-damn cart. God-damn!