“House-Girlfriend”

When I was a kid, my mother worked full time as a nurse. She worked 60+ hour weeks while my dad stayed home with me (he was a college professor so he had a lot more free time than she did). He was a “Mister Mom” to me. He took me to my Girl Scouts (he was even a den mother!), coached my soccer team, went to all the PTA and school functions, and he even braided my hair for me in the morning. My mom was a presence in my life, but she was different from other moms, she was more like a dad. My mom handled the cooking, but other than that, my dad did the rest. I grew up with a man waiting on me hand and foot. I’m an only child, so I had 100% of my father’s attention and devotion at all times. I didn’t have to share him with anyone and I preferred it that way. I was and still am a daddy’s girl through and through.

Now, fast forward 10 years and take look at my situation and you can see why I have so many issues with my stupid boyfriend. I’m living with a man that is the complete opposite of my father. He runs his own business working 12 hour days during the summer time. He’s not home much, and when he is home he’s napping, eating, or doing his paperwork. There’s not much time left for me at the end of the day. He comes home and his needs are priority. I’ve gotten used to this, but I’m definitely not happy about it. I throw “temper tantrums” (to quote my stupid boyfriend) when I feel lonely, neglected, or just taken for granted. I get accused of "always being in a bad mood" and "too high maintenance" when I act like that. Go. Fuck. Yourself. I don't like being generalized like that, especially when 98% of the time I'm peaches and fucking cream. If I'm in a bad mood for an hour or so every few weeks, BFD! Everyone is entitled to a bad mood, it doesn't make me high maintenance, not even close. Sorry, got off on a minor rant...

For the past year and four months Kirk and I have been co-habitating. I’ve taken on the role of “house-girlfriend”. I don’t have the perks of a “wife” because I have no real security or entitlement. I don’t have the perks of a “girlfriend” because I can’t just chill in my own domain, paint my walls bright purple, or look like complete shit without anyone around to notice. I’m constantly on my toes as a “house-girlfriend”. I’ve had to learn to be a “good wife” (without actually being a wife) and “take care of my man” when there’s no one to take care of me (I need my daddy!). I’m learning hard and fast that if I’m going to be with the man I love, I’m going to have to put my selfish self on a shelf for now.

I clean, I do all the laundry, I cook (and when I don’t actually cook I make sure something is heated up for him when he gets in), and I take care of our dog. I’m also working full time, in grad school, and I’m working on my fitness. My lazy Emily time has been few and far between lately. With all I do for him, I don’t feel like I get much appreciation in return. I’m not looking for him to do a little dance when I clean the toilets or anything, but a simple “Place looks good, baby!” would suffice. I feel like he doesn’t notice the little things I do: putting a granola bar on his hat so he doesn’t leave without breakfast, always having clean towels stocked in the cabinet (it’s actually an OCD thing I have), and making the bed every day (again, another OCD thing-I can’t sleep in an unmade bed). I do all the jobs of a housewife and then some. I’ve actually volunteered to take over the business side of his business because he sucks at it, and if I doing that would give us more time together, I’m all about it. This week I bought a shit ton of plastic tubs to organize and file all his documents, I cleaned and made his office more Emily friendly (meaning it’s clean enough for me to spend time in there), and I’m learning how to invoice and basically do all the jobs of a secretary. Kirk and I had a long discussion last week about our lack of time we spend together. He said that I’m “letting him go down in flames” by not helping him with his business. It’s true, I do have more spare time than he does, but taking on another job for no pay on top of all the other shit I do seems overwhelming. But, I know it will help ease some of his load and keep him low stress, so I decided to do it. So, now I’ve got the added responsibility of being a “house-girlfriend/secretary”.

I really hope this doesn’t blow up in my face and does the exact opposite of what I intend it to do. I’m sacrificing my free time so that he will have extra time on his hands to spend with me and get the manly things done around the house that I can’t do (like concrete in the front porch and put in a new back door). I swear to all that is holy, if he doesn’t show me some appreciation after this, I’m going to go back to being a “girlfriend” (ie, get my own place) or be nothing at all to him. I have this feeling that he is going to spend his newly acquired free time at the bar. So help me GOD, if that becomes a regular occurrence, I’m cutting my losses.

Ok, I’ve gone beyond ranting into whining. I’m going to try to stay positive about this. I’m helping my baby where he needs help the most. Honestly, I’m a pro with computers, and that coupled with my OCD, I’m made for this. I can probably do everything he’s been doing, and then some, in about a third the time. Maybe I can even do some marketing and promote his business! It’s going to be good experience for me because I’m also going to do his taxes and file all his quarterly documents, and all that fits into my long term goals. I'm either the best "house-girlfriend" on the planet, or I'm a complete pee-on.