"Limo Girls"

Kirk is going to his buddy’s bachelor party this weekend and I can’t say I’m not a little nervous about it. His friend Dustin, whom I normally adore, is planning to hire “limo girls” for the night. I know this because he was stupid enough to tell my friend Red about his dirty plans, and she told me because it pissed her off that he would put our guys in this kind of situation. It shows no respect for other peoples relationships, and honestly I've lost alot of respect for him because of it. Now, you’re probably wondering what a limo girl is. Well, basically it’s a nice way of saying hooker. They get paid to “entertain” rich guys for money…in a limo. Dustin said they’re a not hookers, they're just hot chicks he pays as the entertainment. Maybe they don't like the term hooker, but at the end of the day that is exactly what they are. Sexual favors for money? Yup, that's a hooker.

I trust Kirk when he says he wouldn’t touch them. But, Kirk has done some pretty ridiculous stuff when he’s drunk, so what’s stopping him from sticking his wang in a whores mouth, butt or what have you? He can barely piss in the toilet when he’s drunk, so how am I really supposed to be assured that he can keep it in his pants? And secondly, why would Dustin be renting hookers, sorry, “limo girls”, for a bachelor party? This man is getting married! He doesn’t need dirty hooker poon dangled in his face. I hate that there’s nothing I can say or do about this without seeming like a jealous, possessive bitch. Why would I be jealous of a girl that charges to have men’s dirty bits put in her orifices’? It’s pretty disgusting, degrading, and dangerous, and definitely nothing to be jealous of. I’m mostly worried that Kirk will be too drunk to realize what he’s doing, which is not unusual, and end up doing something he’ll regret. I don’t care how wasted he is, I don’t care how much pressure there is and that "everyones doing it", I don’t care about any excuse for letting a stranger do things to him that only his girlfriend is allowed to do. If I find out that anything shady happened, it's his ass.

Call me old fashioned, but what happened to just having your best buds out for a few drinks at a titty bar? Tip a few girls, let them rub their oily jugs in your face and call it good. Why hookers? Hookers are for desperate dirty old men that are bored of having sex with their prude wives. Why would a bunch of dudes out to celebrate the end of one of their friends single life want to watch each other get BJ’s? I just don’t get the appeal. Kirk is going to be the hottest dude there, so they will flock to him! He said they wouldn’t because they only want a dude for his money, and he wouldn’t show them a dime.

I warned Kirk that if he so much as touches one of them he might as well screw them because it would be all the same to me. I said to him “Those girls have had at least 500 dicks in their mouth and other orifices, so if the thought crosses your feeble mind to bust a nut in one of them, you just remember how many dirty man dicks have been up in there. Don't forget that you have a wholesome, loving girlfriend at home when one of those hookers tries to suck you.” He made a face and said “Yea, gross, hookers are nasty!” That made me feel a little better, but I’m still not a happy camper about all of this. If I so much as hear someone allude to the fact that some dirty shit went on with my boyfriend present, he will cease to be my boyfriend because that's not the kind of boyfriend I want.

Ugh, I hate hookers...