Kirk is your typical macho, hard workin’ man. He isn’t big on the “I love You” s. Actually, I never hear that phrase unless he’s done something horribly wrong and he’s trying to stop me from walking out the door. For instance, a few weeks ago he didn’t come home all night when he said he’d be home by 11. He didn’t take a minute out of him drunken ridiculousness to call or leave me a text message so I would know he’s wasn’t dead or in jail. (I actually woke up at 6 am and called jails and hospitals.) Hours later, I get a call from him saying he got too drunk to drive so he stayed at his buddy’s house. (I know, the first thing you’re thinking is that he was with a chick, but Kirk isn’t a cheater. If he was or if I even thought he might be headed that way, I would be out so fast his head would spin). Let’s just say that it took a lot of begging and promising to keep my bags unpacked after that stunt. Sorry, got off on a side rant...
Like I said, Kirk doesn’t just give out “I love you”s on a whim. I’ve asked him why he never says it, and his response was “I love you, you know that, I shouldn't have to say it all the time. I’m not a pussy that’s going to kiss your feet and worship the ground you walk on…like your other boyfriends” It’s true, he doesn’t profess his love like the others have, but for whatever reason he is what makes me tick. Kirk is the bread to my butter. I need him like a junkie needs crack. I still get the nervous tummy flutter sometimes when I look at him. He’s my lobster. All the love I have for him overflows into a constant string of “I love you”s that I can’t control. Usually he either smiles and gives me a kiss, says “Baby loves baby”, or comes up with some other side step to keep from saying the response I want to hear. I’ve gotten used to his lack of verbal love. He’s just not a mushy type of guy, so I cut him some slack and let him be who he be.
Last night I cooked an amazing dinner, even I was impressed with myself (pan fried pork chops with a spicy peach mustard glaze and roasted vegetables. Fuckin’ aye!) . Kirk never says a word about my food (unless he’s criticizing). I get annoyed by his silence so I usually say to him “Do you like it?” just so I can get some recognition for my achievement. He’ll nod or “Uh-huh” me, but that’s it. He took his first bite and said “Mmmm. Baby this is really good!” My heart almost stopped. I smiled and said “Thanks, it’s just something I threw together. Glad you like it!” and watched him devour it, and then go back for seconds. I felt like my skills were really appreciated (for once). After dinner, we just sprawled out on the couch like two full pigs, and he grabbed my hand. It’s a rare occasion when he holds my hand, especially when we’re just sitting on the couch doing nothing. He was being playful and sweet all of a sudden. He was trying to tickle me!?!? Weird. We then took the playfulness into the bedroom, took care of business, and then just kind of cuddled for a while (which is rare).
He was still acting oddly affectionate, which was nice but very unexpected, and then he said it. The three words I hardly ever get to hear back to back. He said “I love you” and then he kissed my shoulder. I of course responded and then we laid in silence for a few minutes, I actually didn’t really know how to follow something like that. I know you may think this is dramatic, and it probably is, but three and a half years with this man and I’ve only ever heard him say it (when he’s not in trouble) a handful of times, if that. Maybe it was the pork, maybe it was the ass, maybe it was both, but whatever it was, I definitely feel like I wiggled my way into his heart a little (and that is worth a blog in my opinion).
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